In Fusheng Temple, the Teacher of the State, Fan Luo, just finished hearing He Xiang report the disappearance of “Ouyang Feng” when he received the emperor’s order. The emperor planned to keep his newly accepted priest apprentice “Wei Xiaobao” by his side for assistance in investigating the whereabouts of a thief.

“Wei Xiaobao?” Fan Luo lay on the wooden couch, and let out a huff of laughter. That guy was really troublesome. Only an hour or two had passed and he was taken away by the emperor. He even dared to use a pseudonym. Was he bored with living too happily?

You c an fi nd t he la te st cha pte rs at ( th e ir on tr ee bl oo ms. c o m )

“My lord?” He Xiang called out worriedly.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about him.” Although he had only interacted with him for a short while, Fan Luo intuitively felt that this guy would not die so easily. He really wanted to see just how the emperor would deal with him?  

“It’s a great honor for the emperor to give you a position as his book attendant. You must not let down the emperor’s benevolence.” The eunuch took Nie Bufan to a room and ordered, “Go wash up and change clothes first. Your clothes are already prepared.”

Nie Bufan took over a stack of clothes and asked humbly: “Gonggong, what does the book attendant do?”

The eunuch replied expressionlessly: “The so-called book attendant mainly records the emperor’s spoken words and preferences, including poems, famous paintings and calligraphy, fragrances, etc., and is also responsible for sorting books for the emperor, selecting suitable reading materials, and reading them aloud to the emperor when necessary.”

Nie Bufan looked up at the sky, chuckling dryly three times in his heart. There were so many talents in the palace. There was really no need for the emperor to find a semi-illiterate like him, was there? Read aloud to him? Was the Three Character Classic alright? (TN: 13th century reading primer consisting of Confucian tenets in lines of 3 characters, used as beginner instruction material for children)

After washing up, the neatly dressed Nie Bufan was taken by the eunuch to the emperor’s residence. He did not enter from the front entrance, but went from the side hall into a small room of no more than thirty or forty square meters. The furnishings of the room were very simple, with only a table, seating cushion and the four treasures of study. (TN: the essentials of calligraphy and scholarship=pen, ink, paper, inkstone)

“When the emperor is in the bedroom, you will stay here. If the emperor did not call you, then just keep quiet and record quietly.” The eunuch taught, “If the emperor goes to bed, you will work with other eunuchs to sort out the emperor’s desk. Any calligraphy and painting must be properly collected. You must then choose a suitable book for the emperor and place it in the upper left corner. Generally, the books that the emperor has already read will be placed in the upper right corner.”

“Oh.” Nie Bufan looked at this small boxy room, secretly curling his lips. If he had to stay here all day it was likely that he would suffocate within a few days.

“In addition,” the eunuch reminded again, “you must not touch any memorials and documents that the emperor brought back.”

Nie Bufan smiled and replied: “I will definitely not touch it.”

The eunuch nodded: “After doing all of this, you can go to rest, and someone will take you to the place where you will live. After choushi (1-3am), you have to get up and wait in the emperor’s residence. The emperor might sometimes ask you to go to the imperial garden for a walk, listen to you reading aloud books or have small chats. Although it is only a temporary post, it is necessary to be cautious in your words and actions. Mistakes are not allowed.”

At this moment, a eunuch walked in from outside and whispered: “The emperor has returned. Tonight there will not be shiqin.” (TN: shiqin=staying over at a concubine’s residence)

The eunuch lecturing Nie Bufan finally let him go, leaving after a few more warnings.

After the others left, Nie Bufan lay himself down casually, looking at the small window on the wall, feeling bored and listless.

His ears suddenly perked, and he heard the footsteps of several people coming from far to near, followed by greetings from the servants and the sound of changing clothes.

After a while, a few people retreated, and the palace fell silent.

“Wei Xiaobao, come out.” The emperor said in a low voice.

Nie Bufan stood up slowly, walked out from behind the screen, and bowed to the emperor who was sitting on the couch in accordance with the etiquette taught by the eunuch.

The emperor looked him up and down, and said with a smile: “Dressed in this way, the appearance is not bad.”

Nie Bufan did not respond but remained silent.

“Tell me, where are you from? How did you meet the Teacher of the State? Why did he take you into the palace?”

Nie Bufan glanced at him and replied: “Xiaobao is a native of Xishan. I just came to the capital not long ago and accidentally ran into the Teacher of the State. He felt a familiarity at first glance, so he took Xiaobao into the palace.”

“It’s that simple?” The emperor could hardly imagine who Fan Luo would “feel familiarity at first glance” for?

“It’s that simple.” Nie Bufan nodded affirmatively.

“Then why were you arrested as a thief by the imperial guards?”

Nie Bufan revealed an expression of one met with bad luck, and related the whole thing in a few words.

“Did you see his appearance clearly?” The emperor asked again.

“No.” But as long as he had that set of guard uniform, he was sure to find that person. It was too bad that he didn’t want to bother with this so the emperor must deal with this himself.

The emperor fell into deep thought, his brows furrowing.

Nie Bufan thought to himself: In truth, he wasn’t as unbothered about this as he appear on the surface.

“Know how to play chess?” The emperor asked suddenly.

“No.”

“How about playing the qin?”

“No.”

The emperor sighed and waved his hand: “Then just read me something.”

He lay on his side on the couch, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Nie Bufan walked to the book shelves, picking and choosing, skipping those with many words and finally choosing one with drawings.

He walked back to the emperor, opened the first page——heh, so erotic! He was directly faced with a drawing of a man and woman embracing intimately.

“What’s wrong? Why are you not reading it?” The emperor asked.

“Your Majesty, are you sure you want me to read it?”

“Of course, read it.”

Nie Bufan cleared his throat, and read: “The residence is dark and quiet, the night is pleasing and joyful, the heart beats rapidly and the rapture sinks deep into the bones.”

The emperor’s eyebrows jumped and he opened his eyes suddenly.

Nie Bufan turned to the second page, and continued: “Facing one another on the ivory bed, raising the spear for a lengthy fight, the two bodies unite in one and rub against each other in the dark.”

“Although the body emits a special scent, the joining is natural and harmonious,” Nie Bufan swayed his head as he read, looking very intoxicated, “Tenderly embracing, lovingly kissing, all is revealed in a moment of indulgence.”

With a swiping sound, the picture book in his hand was taken away, and the emperor turned the pages calmly before saying: “You are actually making up lewd poems based on the erotic pictures?”

Nie Bufan said innocently: “Your Majesty asked me to read it, even if it is a heavenly book without words, I must interpret it.”

“Can’t you just choose a book with words?”

“This book suits both the time and occasion, perfect to relieve loneliness and troubles.”

The emperor snorted: “I really can’t imagine that the Teacher of the State would choose you to be a priest apprentice? He has always disdained such things.”

“Is it disdain or simply not well-versed in such things?” Nie Bufan asked sneakily.

“What’s the difference?”

“If it’s just disdain, it will be difficult to determine whether the Teacher of the State is simply abstinent or has just experienced too many battles. Perhaps he is just in pursuit of the state of one being able to pass by clusters of flowers without even a single leaf touching his clothes.” (TN: metaphor for one who remains untouched/unaffected no matter how many lovers one has) Nie Bufan said seriously, “If he is not well-versed, then Your Majesty should urge him to set foot in such matters as soon as possible, so that he will not spend his last years alone in the future without any successors.”

The emperor was dumbfounded, unable to speak.

Nie Bufan said again: “Don’t look at sex in a strange way. This is something very serious and common. As a compassionate monarch who cares for the wellbeing of your officials, how can you not pay attention to their physical and mental health?”

“En…..what you said is very reasonable.” The emperor touched his chin and muttered, his eyes showing a bit of interest, “You guess, what kind of woman would the Teacher of the State like?”

“Your Majesty grew up with the Teacher of the State, and should know him better than I do.”

“But Zhen has never seen him look at a particular woman differently, he does not even have a single concubine.”

“This shows at least two problems.” Nie Bufan stretched out two fingers and said, “One is that he has a problem with a certain part of his anatomy; the other is that he likes men.”

The emperor stared at Nie Bufan, and said with uncertainty: “Likes men?”

Nie Bufan nodded.

The emperor fell silent again.

Nie Bufan felt strange, how come he didn’t even consider the other possibility of impotence?

The emperor suddenly said: “For so many years, he has not interacted with any woman, maybe he really does like men. In this way, he probably has no experience in this aspect. Zhen indeed needs to provide him with some assistance.”

“What does Your Majesty plan to do?”

“Send him a erotic book on homosexuality.”

“Good idea!” Nie Bufan raised his thumb and praised.

“However,” the emperor said in a strange tone, “Neither the palace nor the common people would openly collect such books. Such a book must be drawn anew.”

“Drawn anew?” Nie Bufan asked, “It should take a lot of time, right”

“No, just find a painter to observe and draw on the spot. With the skill level of a court painter, it’s just a matter of a single night.”

Nie Bufan raised his thumb again in his heart, the emperor was unexpectedly this fierce! Completely overturning his previous impression of him as a wise and sage-like monarch.

What would make him even more stunned was still behind, and the emperor continued: “But before this, Zhen has decided to experience it personally. After all, Zhen doesn’t have this experience either and doesn’t know what it is like. If there is no sense of pleasure at all, then there is no need to bother drawing an erotic book for the Teacher of the State.”

“Huh? Experience it personally?” Nie Bufan widened his eyes.

The emperor looked at him with scorching eyes.

Nie took a few steps back, pretending to be calm as he said: “Your Majesty, do you need Xiaobao to help you call someone over?”

“Come here.” The emperor patted the couch next to him, calm and poised.

“No.” Nie Bufan continued to retreat. Speaking and doing so spontaneously, must you act like the wind?

“Come here, don’t let me say it a third time.” The emperor threatened.

Nie Bufan quickly ran back to the small room behind the screen. He was about to lock it, when he was knocked back a few steps with a strong force. The next moment his vision was blocked and he was heavily pressed against the wall.

“In my bedroom, no one can disobey my orders.”

“Your Majesty, it is wrong to overindulge in licentious activities.” Nie Bufan tried his best to preach to the other.

“Oh, really?” The emperor untied his hair, lifted up a wisp and gently held it against his nose. He said in a low voice, “Then who was reciting lewd words to me just now?”

Who knew you would just do as you said, where was there any of the dignity and reservedness of a monarch?

“Facing one another on the ivory bed, raising the spear for a lengthy fight, the two bodies unite in one and rub against each other in the dark.” The emperor chuckled and said, “What is ‘two bodies unite in one’, won’t you teach Zhen?”

“Your Majesty is a heavenly sage talent, where is there a need for someone else to teach you?” Nie Bufan moved along the wall like a crab.

“Well said, then Zhen shall see if Zhen can learn without a teacher?” The emperor restricted his movements, untied up his belt, and ran his fingers across his neck.

Nie Bufan trembled, and struggled: “Your Majesty, let’s discuss a bit, let Xiaobao off today, tomorrow I will write some good poems of loyalty and serving the country for you…..Ah!”

The emperor hooked his leg, and Nie Bufan fell on his back. The next instant, another body was closely pressing down onto his own.

“Zhen has a lot of loyal officials, and does not need you to add color.” The emperor tore open his robes, revealing a stretch of whiteness.

He touched it with his hand, nodded and said, “It’s not as soft as a woman’s, it’s smooth and firm, like fine porcelain.”

He then continued downwards: “The waistline is very beautiful, although it is a little thin, the feeling of the buttocks is very pleasant.”

Nie Bufan twisted and turned around, like a kitten being teased by its owner. Whenever he saw a gap he would try to slip out, but he was caught back every time.

The emperor was only just a little interested, but he couldn’t help but give rise to greater enthusiasm from all of the twisting and turning.

He lowered his head and breathed in Nie Bufan’s body, which emitted a different scent from the powdery fragrance of women, possessing the freshness of bright sunshine and vegetation. From the first time he smelled it, it had left a deep impression.

His fingers followed the lines of his buttocks and dipped into the secret area, instantly feeling a tight hotness, as if it could suck his fingers in.

Nie Bufan scooted back and squeezed his fingers out. He did not dare to turn around, and instead directly stepped on his chest, trying to retreat by borrowing the other’s force.

The emperor grabbed his leg, forcefully pulling him over, spread his legs, and pressed in again.

Nie Bufan didn’t know that this emperor of Ming Kingdom was called “the romantic emperor” by many, and his promiscuity was as famous as his talent for ruling the country. So long as it was a beauty he was interested in, he would find a way to capture her. Fortunately, he never acted on married women. Playing wantonly in the harem, but being cautious and abiding by etiquette outside, he could somewhat be regarded as possessing a degree of control over his licentious nature. Because of this, he was not admonished too strongly by the officials.

Nie Bufan was just reaping what he sowed. In the lonely deep night, reciting erotic poems to a romantic emperor, and even fearlessly mentioning the bed affairs between men. It was expected that a certain someone’s curiosity would be greatly aroused. When a no good emperor came face to face with a no good village head, it was really a case of crackling lightning and erupting fires, the situation going completely out of control.

Though Nie Bufan was also quite unscrupulous, in terms of bed affairs, he was far from the opponent of the emperor. After some skilled foreplay, his body went limp all over and his consciousness became hazy.

The emperor thrusted in abruptly, the feeling of complete engulfment made him intoxicated, reaching the apex every time, it was simply ecstasy. He was originally very talented, and that object was much longer than that of ordinary men. Few women could satisfy him, but this time he experienced bliss with another man.

Thinking about it this way, he was even more excited and spared no effort to toss around with the other.

You c an fi nd t he la te st cha pte rs at ( th e ir on tr ee bl oo ms. c o m )

In the narrow secluded room, two bodies rolled around entangled, sounds of panting and heavy breathing echoing. The low table was overturned, the clothes were messily thrown every which way, the battle fierce and passionate.

Outside the door, the eunuch listened to the ambiguous noises within without even a change in expression, while dutifully recording…..

Previous

6 Comments on “Bird Dude Nie Bufan CH 080 The Fight To Capture That Shou Part 4

  1. You know, that last line, fcking killed me, that was unexpected!
    Hahahaha, can’t wait to see the others’ faces, this bufan talent is beyond imagination XD
    tho, i’m beginning to miss the days in Chicken Nest Village.
    Thanks for the chapters~!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gong count: don’t know, there are too many already!! Will Nie Bufan stop before conquering every single handsome man in the world?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Omg, hes collecting so many powerful men… Just to break their heart and sanity skksksksks i swear none can be spared by his beauty and temptation

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: